It is definately fall here... it is a lot colder and all the leaves have changed. I need to take some pics, it is really pretty in places.

I am still working at the paramedic/supervisor job. However, I am constantly looking for new opportunities. I won't leave unless I have something really good lined up. I AM finally taking my home-study nursing courses. I am working on Nursing Concepts 1 right now. After this, 8 courses to go!!!  Doing this has made me want to get back into the nursing field full time just so I refresh myself with everything. Working full time as an LPN, doing nursing duties, should help me while I study for my degree.

Anyway... nothing else exciting going on. My surgery is scheduled for November 9th. The week after that, I will be on light duty for a week and then the next week I will take my last week of vacation. So, it will be nice to be off for Thanksgiving. I am allowed back to regular duty on Monday November 27th.

I love this time of year.. a lot of exciting things coming up. Holidays!!!!! My 10 year High school reunion is Saturday November 25th. That should be fun!

Here are some random pics we've taken lately:

Had to get ANOTHER haircut.. it was past his ears again on the sides haha. This time daddy took him to the barber

Robbie-boy and Grandpa

Eatin' dinner

Such a sweet little man

Mommy and her little "cub"

That's all for now... stop back again soon for more pics!!

Well, I haven't heard anything from the pediatric office. It will be two weeks this coming Monday, so I am assuming I didn't get the job. I would hope they will at least send me a letter telling me. I think it's rude when they don't notify you in some way.

But, it's ok. The past couple weeks at work haven't been too bad. I think I just went through a rough patch there... you'll have that anywhere I guess. I'm just going to remain positive. I wouldn't leave there unless I had something really good lined up, ya know? So, I'll just always be on the lookout for something else, but do my best at my current job while I'm there.

My knee is feeling a lot better. I am currently on vacation for 11 days (Just started yesterday.) Not going anywhere, but I have the time, and if I don't use it by the end of the year, I'll lose it. I still have another week after this, which I am taking the week of Thanksgiving. It is just nice having time to spend with friends, family... this weekend is baby Robbie's Baptism. We have family in town and I am enjoying my time with them. I will definately post some pictures after this weekend.

I have to have some outpatient surgery. It is called a LEEP procedure. Some of you ladies may know what this is....  seems I have a bit of cervical cancer. I am definately not down in the dumps about it or anything. It is one of the most treatable forms of CA, however, if left untreated it can be aggressive. My mom had it and has been fine for years. This LEEP is sometimes done in the office, but my doc wants to do it under anesthesia, which is fine by me!!!! I hate this shit! PUT ME OUT so I'll go to an outpatient surg center. But, the bad thing is afterward, I have to be off work a couple days and then I have to be on light duty. I am a paramedic, I regularly lift 150lbs and more ALL DAY LONG. He said there is no way I can do that for 2 weeks afterward. I just hope my boss doesn't get mad. I mean, I can't help it, and there is plenty of work I can do in the office.. I just hate having to tell him about it ya know? I don't have to go in detail but he has to kinda understand why I can't lift. Oh well.. he will have to understand.

I heard this saying not too long ago and I loved it... "Love breathes life into the heart, bringing grace to the body."

Enjoy some pics:

My best friend Lisa, Robbie-boy, and Me hanging out in the neighborhood

Shopping with Momma & Gramma at Big Lots...first time in the cart. He obviously loved it!! He is so sweet

The poor boy already has his momma & Aunt Sama's thick hair. It was past his ears, so our hair stylist trimmed it for free. Daddy brought him up and held him on his lap. He didn't fuss at all...all the women in the salon loved him and were jealous that Jami got to do the honors!!!

Me & Nicky going to a fundraiser

What a wonderful weekend it was...not really. I went to work on Saturday and about 10:30am, I fell down a couple stairs at our headquarters building, landing on my Right knee. It hurt..i ripped my pants...but I figured it's just a bruise, get up and deal with it. Well, it started throbbing and then we had a call and after lifting the patient it really started to hurt all the way down to my toes. I went back to my station and propped my leg up with some ice. After a little bit I went to get up and it was completely stiff. I called my boss and he had me go down to the ambulatory clinic we deal with and had it XRayed. No fracture or anything, just badly bruised PLUS the doctor said I have arthritis in that knee. I think I knew that because it clicks all the time. He told me to stay off it, ice it, elevate it, take some motrin and don't lift anything over 25lbs. So.. I was sent home for the night. I woke up Sunday morning and it was so swollen and bruised... and my ankle & foot were also swollen. I stayed off it as much as possible and the swelling seems to have gone down.

Yesterday afternoon I went to the 3rd annual Police vs Fire softball game in the town where my sis and brother-in-law work. Fire ended up coming from wayyyyy behind & winning. Afterward we had a picnic at the one guy's house along with a bonfire. It was fun, but I did something bad afterward. This one guy from the FD.. I have had a "crush" on him for a couple years. We almost kind of went out for a while and got kinda close but he had a lot going on like a divorce & a little daughter. Plus, he didn't seem to be as interested in me as I was in him. Oh well, you'll have that. Well, my sis & brother in law left early last night & this guy took me home. Well, we actually ended up back at his house, and well, ... you know what we did. Maybe it was the little bit of alcohol in my system but I just felt so good and close to him and I kinda let him know that. So he told me we are friends but there is only one person in this world who he cares about and that is his daughter. He said "This was a bad idea I am sorry." Well that sure put a damper on my night. I felt like a total idiot. I know sleeping with a guy is NOT the way to his heart but I did it anyway. I'm such a butthead..UUggghhhh!! So I see him enough at work that all I will want to do is hang my head and not look at him, but I guess the best thing to do is just be friendly and hold my head up high. I've dealth with worse things in my life.

Today I am going for an interview at a group pediatric office. It would be a nice change.. Monday through Friday, no weekends, no holidays, working with kiddos. But I have to make sure I don't take too much of a paycut. Wish me luck!!

This may end up being a long-winded entry. As usual, I feel stressed out. I feel like I can never find what is right for me in life; job-wise.

First of all, back in April, I interviewed for this supervisor job at work and got it. The way my company works, there are 5 ambulances on at a time and we had 2 supervisors, in "chase vehicles." They respond on bad calls to back-up a crew if they need extra help. They also do some office work, etc. Occasionally the two of them would get together in a spare ambulance if the sh*t hit the fan...  but for the most part, they drive around in their little Ford Explorers and supervise. Originally when they posted the job for the new supervisor, this person would be sharing the one explorer with the other supervisor and run back-ups, etc on their specific work days. This person would also be in charge of our pharmacy; order drugs, handle licensing, keep track of narcotics, etc. Other duties included orientating new employees, making sure people get their protocol to practice in our county, Ouality Assurance of all the run reports & just the normal every day happening during their shift. If someone calls off, this person is responsible for making sure the shift is filled, if someone does something wrong, this person is to discipline accordingly, stuff like that. So I got the job and they told me it is going to be different from originally stated. Now I was going to be on a regular ambulance like before BUT, I am only to run emergencies in the vicinity of my office and run back-ups. We do a fair amount of non-emergency transports, but as a supervisor, they wanted me more available for the other stuff. In my off time, I was to be doing my office duties/paperwork. Ok. I knew from the get-go that would be tough because it's not like they were adding a 6th "extra" ambulance...they were scheduling me on one of the 5 ambulances. So it is like taking 1 ambulance "out of the loop." The reason they did this is because the one supervisor, 2nd in command, didn't want to have to share his Explorer. See, he takes it home every night and drives it on his off time. His wife has a car, but he does not. He drives the company vehicle everywhere. This is someone who did not work his way up the ranks. He worked on our wheelchair vans for a few years, then became the wheelchair division supervisor and then moved right over to EMS supervisor. He never worked full time on the ambulance. He never got a taste for what it was all about. So, whatever... Initially my work schedule was to be Monday & Wednesday 7pm-7am  and Saturday 9am-9am. This schedule worked for me, plus it gave the other 2 supervisors some nights off, EXCEPT, with me being on an actual ambulance, occasionally I was on calls and one of them had to come out if another unit needed backup.  Within a few weeks, my schedule got changed. I was switched to Monday 3-11, Wednesday 7am-11pm, and still Saturday 9am-9am. They also decided that on Wednesday, between 7am-3pm I would function as a "normal car" because the other two bosses were working their normal workday and could do the back-ups. So already it was changing. A few more weeks go by and they decide that I am just going to function as a normal car all around. I am still a supervisor, but I have to go on every type of call... and do my office work as well WHEN I CAN. We are a busy company. We have 5  911 contracts with cities/townships as well as contracts with 5 local nursing homes. On mondays & wednesdays I RARELY get to go to my office and do work. Saturdays are my catch up day, but even then, especially during the summer, we have plenty of standby events and it is just too busy to try and do everything. I feel now that I am doing my old job of "regular paramedic" AND my new job of supervisor. Had they left it the original way.. me working in the Explorer and functioning as a supervisor... it would have been great. In the meantime, that 2nd in command guy, throughout the whole summer tried to "pass-off" some of his jobs to me. He tried to put me in charge of vehicle maintenance for half the fleet. And, the big boss made me take over the ambulance schedule; a schedule of 50+ employees who all have requests out the wazooo. I found myself going in ON MY OFF TIME just to get things done. Also, whenever I was working and someone called off for the next day, if no one would come in, they would try to force me to work. I don't mind occasionally taking one for the team, but I do not want anyone FORCING me to do anything when I already work a 48 hour work week. They would also call me on my days off and say "Randy (the boss) needs you to come in and work for a few hours." Ummmm no I am with my nephew right now. They would say stuff like "But you are a supervisor and I need you." Too bad. In the beginning I was said to be getting a 1.00 per hour raise. I am not picky, I thought I would just do it and WOW them and they'd give me more money later. Well, the position changed so much within 3-4 months, that I did not get the opportunity to wow anyone. I also came to find out, that while he gave me a 1.00 per hour raise, he gave raises to everyone else and there are 5 paramedics making only $0.25 per hour less than me and besides being a supervisor I have been there the longest!!! I am not a money hungry person, but that sure as hell did not leave me feeling well-compensated. I felt taken advantage of.  I attempted to talk to my boss about this one day and he sorta didn't really even pay attention to me. He kept looking at his computer.. and made mention of things like "We all have had to make some changes. We all have had to adapt."  HUH??? All I know is the money he and the 2nd guy make MUST be worth it to them. The company cars they can drive ALL THE TIME must be worth it to them. The extra .25 centers per hour AND all the responsibility is not worth it to me. I interviewed against 4 men for that job and I got it. I am now wondering if it is because they thought they may be able to better "mold" me into their little puppet?? who knows?

I am going to try and talk to my boss again. But, after the luck I had last time, I just don't know what good it will do. I went into this job with so many ideas, so optimistic. And half the things I have wanted to implement have gone down the tubes. I organized an entire orientation program for new employees, which my boss liked, but he doesn't use it because he hires people at the last minute and doesn't have time to send them through an entire 40 hour training program because he needs them to fill in his schedule. Craziness. So, of course, I have been looking in the paper at the classified ads. I am an LPN and a paramedic. I have experience in the hospital, doctors offices AND in an ambulance. I want a job that I LOVE to go to everyday. I know every place has it's disadvantages but to wake up and think "uuuggghhh  I don't want to go?" I don't want that anymore. I have spent 6 years at this place and I am starting to see why everyone leaves. The only two who are making a life there are boss 1 & boss 2. And THEY are well-compensated & are able to pass work down to puppets like me. Don't get me wrong. I still have some fun there. I have thought about demoting myself back down to just regular paramedic but I also worry then that they will mess with my schedule and treat me like "low man on the totem pole" because I gave up on that position. I don't know.

I sent in a resume the other day for a position. I just mailed it Tuesday and got a call today. It is for a full time LPN position in a group pediatric office. So, my interview is Monday at 1pm. I will see how it goes, what they pay & if they have benefits. I won't leave the ambulance company unless I think I have something great lined up.

Tonight I am also driving to Pittsburgh for a meeting. These days there are several bridge programs for LPNs to become RNs in an accelerated/non-traditional manner. I found out about this blended learning program. It is home-study but you go once a week to class. I liked that idea because home-study is something I could see myself doing but falling off the wagon without any structure. This way, I report to someone weekly and won't get behind or just forget it. Once I become an RN, there will be soooo many more opportunities for me. This is something I need to do especially now while I am still single and don't have any kids.

Whew. That was a long one. I feel better. See, this is what I missed. I like being able to just come here and type it all out. It makes me feel like I have really vented! Off to look at some other journals!

This one is just so that I could post some new pics of my little nephew. He is such a sweet little man now.. 6 months old already!!!  I don't know what we did before him.. I really don't!

With his momma...

Hey everyone! I am back to journal land with some changes of course. I left abruptly a few months back during some tough times. My sister was getting better after her illness that some of you know about. She didn't know I had talked about it on my journal... she found out and was very ashamed and upset with me. We had a big argument and it ended with me crying and feeling horrible and just totally ending my journal. Once we talked, she realized it was an outlet for me and that I wasn't talking about it to hurt her.. I just enjoyed having my own place to come to and talk to friends from far away places. She forgave me of course and I just now finally got back to getting my journal up and running. I could've had my old account back, but I decided to start fresh. My account name, Ahtnamas, is my first name backwards haha.

Anyway.. I am at work right now. I get done at 11pm. We have gotten rained on soo much today and it has just been a bad day. I am going to go home, make a cup of Green Tea and post some pics on my new journal!! Can't wait to hear from some of you!!